Yet We Must Continue
by AntivanMaiden
Summary: When Imenia Cousland's world is shattered, she has to decide whether to mourn and move on, or hold on and fight for what she loves.  Non-Linear.
1. A Chance Meeting

A Chance Meeting

"Who calls?" The guard questioned, his hand placed at the hilt of his sword.  
"Lady Imenia Cousland, sir. I was called by his Highness." The title bit at her lips when she spoke it. As the King said, the guard had word of her arrival and sent her into the tent to hold an audience with King Cailan Theirin. After being recruited into the Grey Wardens, the King was the last person she thought she would meet. Apparently, the battle at Ostagar was more important than she had thought.

Timidly, she stepped through the cloth door to the dark, candle lit tent. A sweat was forming on her forehead and hands, nerves taking over her entire body as she spoke.  
"Your Highness?" The tent appeared empty at first glance. She debated turning around and fleeing, but was caught… off guard, to say the least.

He came from out of nowhere. With a gentle roughness, his hands grasped at her arms, pulling her towards him. His lips were fire against hers, his touch feverish. A strong hand slid around her neck, tangling its fingers in her hair as he held her to him. A familiar shiver ran down her back, and it took all the willpower she had to break the kiss.

"Your Majesty!" She began to speak. To her surprise, he laughed. He actually _laughed_.

"Mia my dear, aren't we past all of these courtly formalities?" Smiling, he ran his fingers through her dark hair, not letting her out of his arms. The closeness was comforting and tense at the same time. She could have fallen into his chest and never left, but her morals guided her before her heart.

"_Your Majesty_," She repeated. "I do not think this is a position we should find ourselves in." He sensed her unrest, and sadness crossed his face as he released his grip on her.

"Imenia, I understand you are upset at me. I should expect nothing less from a strong woman such as yourself. I do not expect you to accept or agree with the decisions I have made but-"

"On the contrary, my king. I understand completely the decisions you have made. You were looking out for the safety and morale of your country. Loghain is a fine leader for Ferelden's army, and your alliance with Anora has insured your people the ease and protection they need." A smile never crossed her face, nor did a frown. She was completely emotionless as he stared at her with sad grey eyes.

"Mia… I… It was not what I wanted. We had plans, we… we had a pact. I promised you that-"

"You were 9, your majesty. I can hardly expect to hold a King to a promise he made when he was 9, now could I?" She wanted to leave, to run, with every inch of her body. Something held her feet to the ground, not allowing her to move a single muscle.

"I don't know what would be worse. This… unwavering acceptance… or if you had been screaming and yelling. I think I was better equipped to deal with the yelling." He chuckled, stepping to her. She didn't protest when he took her hands in his; simply looked down and away from the tender touch.

"Your Majesty…" She began, but he cut her off with a gentle shushing noise.

"It has been too long, my friend." Slowly, he kissed her on the cheek, lingering in the moment. Her heart ached with love and desire, the need to simply hold onto him growing inside of her.

"How is dear Anora?" She questioned, breaking the contact between the two of them and taking a seat on a small wooden bench near the door of the tent.

"She is well… we both miss you. We speak often of the times we shared as children. Myself of different times, of course." He smiled in remembrance of times that Anora knew nothing about. "Do you remember that summer gala, the one that fell on your seventeenth birthday?" The brief, pained smile that crossed her face said that she did indeed remember it.  
"It was the first time any woman had made me feel such things." He laughed, then smiled at her. "A first for both of us, if I recall. Father's horses got quite the show that night. To this day, I cannot approach the stable master without nearly dying of embarrassment." He laughed, remembering the moment fondly.

"And now, you are married, my king. What would your wife think of these nostalgic moments?" Mia spoke politely, respectfully, with nobility.

" She misses her friend, Mia." Imenia forced a smile, memories tugging at her heart. King Cailan sat himself across from her, on the foot of his elaborate cot bed, fit for a king.

"Imenia… I feel like I need to make amends for the way things went. I need to-" She was getting rather good at cutting him off. Had she been anyone but Lady Imenia Cousland, he would have had them executed by this point in time.

"Your Majesty, you have no need to explain anything-"

"Please, Imenia. I must speak now." He leaned forward and took her small hand in his two large ones. She marveled at how they seemed to dwarf hers in comparison. "Things did not turn out how we'd hoped, in the least. Almost as soon as Loghain was named 'The Hero of River Dane', my father had decided that Anora would be my match. Nevermind that she wasn't even a noble… but it wasn't important. It was a marriage of convenience for the people of Ferelden- not for myself. My father was simply doing what he thought necessary for the future of the nation. Loghain knew we had been dear friends, and proposed the idea as… well… almost as payment for the idea of him running the army. A double win situation for him… a horrible loss for me. Granted, father never really knew of us… he had assumed but… After his death everyone was so quick to throw the crown at me that none of them stopped to care what I wanted. I know that none of this changes anything. I just… well I couldn't go on without you knowing what happened. It should be you. You should be queen, it was always supposed to be your spot. The people love you, my father loved you… I love you..." He stared at her, his eyes unwavering. Her eyes were at her feet as she spoke.

"My king, I must assure you that I understand and comply with all of the-"

"Maker be damned, Mia! For once, please, simply tell me how you feel! Here I am, bearing my heart, and you're still playing the loyal noble!" Never had he cursed at her… not in the many years they'd know one another. The room filled with a deafening silence that neither of them ever could have anticipated. The king stood up and walked to the other side of the small tent, unrest brewing in his heart.

"You really want to know how I feel, Cailan?" His name crossed her lips, almost scornfully. "Do you want to know what is on my mind, _Your Majesty_?" The words were ice from her lips. For the first time, she looked directly at him as she stood. His form turned to face her, desperation in his eyes.

"I feel cold. I feel charred and dead, all the way through to my soul. Not simply at your decisions, but at the fact that you could not even inform me of them yourself. Imagine my surprise, the day I expected your arrival at my estate, to instead find a beautiful invitation to your wedding. A wedding I had expected to be mine." He simply stared at her, pain in his eyes. "I neglected to attend such a joyous event- the thought of doing so made me want to be sick. As if she could not understand why I would not attend my dear friends union, I received a rather angry letter from your dear queen, shortly after the wedding occurred. I never heard from you. Time passes, and I lose everything I ever held dear in my life… just as I think things cannot possibly get any worse, who should I be forced to remember than the man who ripped out my heart and destroyed my soul?" She stepped towards him, an icy gaze piercing into him. "You ask me how I feel, and yet you do not see that I cannot feel anything. I am a hollow shell of a woman. You stole my heart, and did not even have the courtesy to give it back after you were done." An eternity passed between them before he moved towards her.

"This pain I have put you through was not intentional. I never felt anything but love for you. I was a coward and a demon… and I did not deserve even the civility you have shown me today. As far as your heart is concerned…" His eyes gazed into hers as he brought his hand up to caress her cheek softly. "I could not bear to part with it. I have never been done with it. Maybe it was selfish of me… but I could not let it go." Softly and silently, he reached out his hand to wipe away the tears that began running down her face.

"You know this isn't fair, right? You're not supposed to still make me feel this way." Mia laughed through her tears as she said this. Smiling, he leaned in and gently captured her lips with his own. This time, she did not resist. After everything that happened, she was weak, and simply did not want this moment to end. Her hands came to his face, holding it in place as she rained kisses down on his lips.


	2. Childhood Follies

Childhood Follies

"Guys! Slow down! Please?" Six little feet skittered across the marble floors of the kitchens and out into the castle yard, two pairs just ahead of the third. "Mia! Make him slow down! I will not be left behind!" The young voice filtered through the open air, servants and soldiers glancing away from their duties to enjoy the carefree sight of the children.

It was coming to the end of the warm season in Ferelden, and King Maric had called the summer landsmeet. The Bannorn, Nobles from every end of the country, and every sort of influential person had shown. It was, indeed, a very important meeting to grown minds, with a war encroaching on the horizon. Children, however, paid no heed to the musings of men. Their lives were nothing more than carefree frivolity.

"Beat you both!" The young boy threw his hands in the air victoriously, golden hair falling in his face. Without warning, a slightly younger child came from behind, tackling him to the ground.  
"Mia! No fair! Get off!" He laughed as she sat on his back, holding his hands behind him.  
"Now who wins?" Glowing with pride at her conquest she laughed, green eyes beaming with glee. The two laughed and wrestled as the third came prancing into the scene.  
"Not fair you two! I almost muddied my slippers!" She pouted, sitting down on a fallen log as she wiped off the ruffles of her purple dress.

Halting their fun, Mia rushed to the side of her friend.  
"Oh no! I'm sorry, Nora! Here, let me help." While she helped to scrape the little mud off of the dress, the young boy rolled around on the ground impatiently. He had no desire to partake in girlish pointlessness.  
"So I win again, and no one even congratulates me?" With a sigh he stood, ambling over to the two.  
"You know Nora's dad will be angry if she's dirty." The second girl pouted and batted her eyelashes as Mia cleaned the last of the mud off.  
"Papa will scold me. Then I won't get to play with you two." The boy sighed, blowing a stream of air from his lips, chasing away a stray golden lock.  
"Well, as long as we've stopped, I say we give Mia her birthday present now!" Almost instantly, Anora ceased her pouting and stood, rushing to her friend's side.  
"Really? Wow! It's not my birthday until tomorrow though!" She beamed once more, jumping in excitement.  
"Yes, but Cailan has training all day tomorrow with his father, so he wouldn't be able to be with us when you got it. I got papa to give me an extra allowance so we could get it together!"  
Blue eyes smiling, Cailan thrust a small package out in front of him. It was no bigger than her fist, and hastily wrapped in brown paper from the castles kitchen. In an attempt to make it more festive, the two children had wrapped it in a blue hair ribbon and doodled on the side with charcoal bits.

Mia took it into her hands as if it were a gem to be treasured forever. The paper crunched as she slipped the ribbon off. It was her favorite color, and she was going to put it to use as well. Before opening the gift itself, she tried tying her unkempt hair back behind her ears. Seeing how difficult it seemed to be for her, Cailan stepped behind her, tying it into a simple, shaky bow.

Mia tore at the paper, exposing a small silver statuette.  
"A Mabari?" her voice was excited as she held the statue in her tiny hands.  
"Papa said we couldn't get you a real one. But Cailan found this when he went to the market with his father." Anora beamed with pride at the gift they had given.  
"Th-thanks! I… I love it!" She beamed with happiness as she slipped the trinket into her trouser pocket. She had always wanted a mabari of her own, but her father had decided to wait until she was older and could learn responsibility for the creature. Until then, this would have to do. Leaping towards the two, she wrapped an arm around each one in a strong embrace, creating a group hug between the three.

From the direction of the castle kitchens some way off, a loud voice could be heard.  
"You young'uns get yerselves in here! Ser Mac Tir has arrived for Miss Anora!"  
"Aw, and we were just getting started!" Mia spouted out, her smile changing to frown.  
"I'll race you there. Winner gets the first apple tart at desert!" As soon as he spoke, Cailin took off as fast as he could towards the castle.  
"No fair! You're cheating!" Mia took off after him, ribbon blowing in the wind as she did so.  
"Come on you two! I do not want to race!" Anora lumbered off after them, careful not to dirty the dress any more than she already had.

At the kitchen door, the cook had to dive out of the way to avoid being flattened by the two streaks that were the children. As soon as their wet shoes hit the marble floors, they slid and spun across them, winding up on their backsides against the far wall. Looking up at an awkward angle while lying on her tummy, Mia called out to the man standing in front of her.

"Hello, Ser Loghain!" Scrambling to her feet, she managed a simple curtsy.  
"Hello, young lady Cousland. Er… How has your birthday been thus far?" He inquired uncomfortably. He obviously thought that this was not the sort of frivolity that young ladies should be partaking in.  
"Fabulous! Look at the gift I got!" She proudly held up the small statue of the Mabari, now sporting little muddy splotches.  
"Hello papa." Anora spoke like a young lady as she skipped gingerly into the kitchen.  
"Come, Anora. We must be heading home. Say goodbye to your little friends." He was rigid and awkward, following some unspoken code of manners.  
"Goodbye Cailan, Mia. Happy birthday." She curtsied to her friend, then strolled out of the kitchen, hand in hand with her father. As they exited the castle, they could hear her father chastising her for the mud on her slippers and dress.  
"You are in the presence of Royalty! I expect you to remember and respect that fact!"  
"Yes Papa." She responded somberly.

Mia rushed over to the cook, tugging on her apron.  
"Nannette! Nannette! Has my father returned from the landsmeet yet?" Her green eyes were wide with anticipation, the hopeful thought of her father returning to her before planned creeping into her mind.  
"Not yet, child!" Nannette spoke, pulling the apron out of the childs hands. "There are apple tarts on the table. Take one. ONE, I said. Keep quiet, sit at the table and stay out of trouble until the landsmeet is finished." The two children grabbed a tart, sitting only until the cook turned her gaze back to her work. At the first opportunity, they hurried out of the kitchens, Cailan pocketing an extra tart as they rushed for the stables.

"I win!" Mia cajoled, hopping as she entered the stable.  
"Only cause I didn't want to crush the tart!" He revealed his prize to her, flopping down on a bale of hay in the corner.

This corner of the stable was obviously their favorite place to hide. Among the hay that scattered the ground were small toys, bits of charcoal, and little hand-made clay figures. All things that children entertained their time with.  
"You took an extra! Brilliant! You always were sneakier than me!" She flopped down across from him, hay getting tangled in her long black ponytail.  
"It's yours. Since it's your birthday." He offered it up to her, standing and placing it on her lap.  
"R…really? Thanks!" She held it in her hands and bit her lip contemplatively. It was obviously a bad habit of hers, as a small pink scar was starting to form under her lip. It was almost unnoticeable, except to those who knew of its existence. "Here. You take half. I can't eat a whole 'nother one!" She snapped it in two, holding a piece of it back to him.  
"Nora would be running back to Nannette by now, telling her how we took more than we were supposed to." Cailan laughed, sitting down next to his friend.  
"It's not her fault. Her father isn't very nice to her. I bet she doesn't even get sweets at home. The only reason he lets her play at all is because your papa is king." Cailin chewed his half of the tart, not really thinking about the problems of Anora and her father. "Then he takes her away almost as soon as she gets here. Papa says it's cause he's just putting up pretends." Cailin laughed at her word.  
"Pretenses." He corrected her.  
"That's what I said!" She slugged him in the arm. "Just cause you're a year older doesn't mean you know everything." She pouted a little, popping the half tart into her mouth.  
"Sorry Mia…" It was quiet for a moment.

"You don't think her papa will take her away for good, do you? She… She's my best friend. And I'd miss her…"  
"No, he won't take her away for good. And what am I, mabari food?" Playfully, he shoved her over into the hay bale, laughing. She laughed as well, and spoke as she sat up.  
"No! You're not mabari food! You're my best friend too, dummy! Even more so! I'd be more sad if papa took me away from you for good."  
"That won't happen. You're my best friend too, Mia. I promise." Pinky out stretched, he put his hand out to her. "Let's make a pact."  
"A pact?"  
"Yeah. A pact. It's like a really important pinky promise. Let's promise that we'll always be together. No matter what happens."  
"I like this pact." She smiled at held her pinky out for him as well. "Say it all formal and such. Make it your first official promise as prince!" She could not contain her excitement. It was a fun game for the two of them to enjoy together. He laughed at her happiness.

"Alright, alright. I, _Prince_ Cailan Theirin, make a pinky promise pact as my first official promise that I will always be with Lady Imenia Cousland of Highever. I will never beat her too horribly, but I also promise to never let her win." Mia laughed as he continued. "It will be my duty as the older best friend to protect her from Nannette and anyone else who comes between us. We will always be friends, and we will never ever be apart. Well, except for when her family is home in Highever and not here at the castle." He stood, and finished his decree in an official voice. "Thus instates the first official promise to the people by Prince Cailan Theirin!" The two laughed, and joined their pinkies together in the sacred bond of childhood.


	3. Not So Childs Play

Hello Everyone! Thank you for reading this far! This is my first story in a looonng time, and I was curious to how it would be received.  
A WARNING  
This chapter contains the "M" rating. If you are uncomfortable with that sort of thing, skip through the very end.  
Thank you! Enjoy!

...

Not So Childs play

"Lady Imenia Cousland! Your hound is chasing the chickens again!" Nannette called out to her angrily, running around the chicken coup after the mabari pup.  
"He won't hurt them, Nannette! He just wants to play!" Upon hearing his masters voice, the dog rushed over to her, dropping clumps of mud and grass at her feet as he did so.  
"Yeah! He just wants to play with the little feathered guys, don't you?" Mia scratched him on the ears lovingly. Her father had finally given in about 6 months ago and gotten the girl a mabari. Since it was very young when she received it, it didn't take long for the hound to imprint itself on her.  
"Yes, well, playing or eating, it does not matter. I cannot have that beast scaring the chickens! I wind up with more broken eggs than good ones! You're nearly seventeen; learn some responsibility for that… thing!" Nannette gathered the eggs that were still whole in her apron and skulked into the castle kitchens.

"Mia, I think Dilligence is going to give my old cook a heart attack!" Cailan rushed up to her, Anora close behind.  
"No, he just likes to aggravate her a little. Don't 'ya boy?" The dog barked back at her, tongue lolling out of its mouth. "Besides, he's just a puppy. He can only get smarter." The dog barked happily again, then followed the trio out into the yard. They wandered a way up the hill, laughing at the expression on Nannette's face.  
"He's more entertaining than most of the people around here. I mean, look at you." Cailan laughed at Imenia, dirt covering the skirt of her pale blue dress. She did not seem to mind. In fact, she only wore the thing because her mother almost demanded it of her. She had told her that she should 'at least pretend to be a lady'.  
"What? Jealous? Do you want some?" Mia grabbed a clump of dirt from her skirt and ran at him, spilling it down the front of his vest as well. The two sparred playfully for a moment, covering one another in dirt and grass.  
"Honestly you two!" Anora called out with a laugh. "Are you ever going to grow up?"  
The duo stopped and looked at each other, contemplating this question.  
"Well… I certainly hope not. No. No I won't. That wouldn't be much fun at all." Mia forced an air of seriousness, then continued laughing. Cailan laughed as well and turned to Anora.  
"And you, Nora, should be inclined to not grow up so fast." With that, he tossed a small clump of dirt in her direction. As if she had been stung, she recoiled and frowned at the two of them as they laughed and wrestled. Anora huffed and sat on a log, arms crossed as she muttered to herself.  
"Honestly… Not nine anymore…"

The two wound down a little, stepping over towards their friend.  
"Come on Nora, we're sorry." Mia sat next to her, leaning her head onto Anora's shoulder. "Forgive us? Pleeeeeeeeeeease?" She began to nudge at her arm with her head, purring like a cat as she did so. After just a couple of moments Anora laughed, giving into her friend. "Yay!" Mia squeaked, wrapping her arms around the girl.  
"Now that all is well, perhaps we should… clean up. We have to attend the gala tonight, after all. I'm sure Nora will want to spend hours readying herself." Cailan laughed, fluffing at Anora's blonde braids.  
"Awe Cailan, she always looks so pretty though! I have half a mind to let her help me get ready!" Anora looked pleased at the thought, but turned emotionless after a couple moments.  
"You could certainly use it!" He stepped behind Mia, pulling out the ribbon tying her ponytail and trashing the hair about on her head. She glowered at him playfully, then flipped the thick curls out of her eyes.

"Actually…" Anora began sadly, and both of them looked to her. "I… I will not be attending this evenings gala. Father… father wishes me to meet a… a suitor." The smiles were wiped off of their faces suddenly as they prepared to comfort her.  
"Nora… I… I don't know what to say…" Mia held her hand.  
"Do you know the man's name? Maybe he is someone we would have met." Cailan sat at her side.  
"He is some Arl from Amaranthine. I do not remember his name. Father met him while scouting for Orlesian forces… He… he sent word back almost 2 weeks ago. The Arl will be arriving this evening, and the housemaid and I are to greet him." She looked at her feet somberly as Mia wrapped her arms around her and nuzzled her head in Anora's neck.  
"So your father would allow you to meet a suitor while he is away in battle? That does not seem proper to me!" Cailan stood, fuming.  
"Father will be on leave for a short time. He is expected home tomorrow." They were all silent for a time, a few solitary tears trailing down Anora's cheeks. She spoke suddenly, breaking the silence.  
"I do not want to live in Amaranthine. I like it here. I… I cannot be without my friends." Mia held onto her tightly, and Cailan put a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Perhaps he will not like me… father will be upset, but I… I think I could manage through that." She offered up a feeble laugh through her tears.

"You will simply have to put him in awe over your utter disgust." Mia laughed, pulling on one of her braids as she did so.  
"Yeah, that shouldn't be hard." Cailan tugged on the other one, the comment eliciting a shove from Anora, and a hard slug to the arm from Mia. "What? Was it something I said?" The trio laughed for some time, before falling into silence. They sat there for a good while, huddled together on the bench.

Cailan's arm wrapped itself across Anora's small frame, coming to rest in Mia's hair, where it began absentmindedly playing with a dark curl. A strange shiver went up Mia's spine.  
"Well… I suppose I should… get on with it." Anora wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood, facing the other two on the bench. "After all, it will take some time to make myself quite unpleasing, right?" The three laughed and wandered off towards the castle, a new seriousness within them.

They had never really been forced to think seriously about the prospect of marriage until now. Imenia was to be seventeen tomorrow, and hadn't entertained a single suitor. Not that the young men didn't try, however- she was the most eligible young lady in all of Ferelden. Her family being second in nobility only to the Theirin line itself, she was highly sought after for political reasons. She was also revered as one of the most beautiful women in Highever, possibly all of Ferelden. Her brother, Fergus, made sure that only the best possible choices were to show up at their door. As it were, he was very picky.

The evening careened closer, and all of the worthy people of Ferelden found themselves at the castle. Mia did not often dress up, and when she did it was normally a complete disaster. It had been determination that kept her from that fate tonight. With the help of her mother and sister in law, she dressed in an emerald green gown, a golden sash just below the breast line. Her normally unkempt curls were clean and soft, delicately tied at her neck by a golden ribbon.

The talk of marriage and suitors had struck something inside of her. Eventually, she would have to pick, or even meet one. Taking extra care to be as feminine as possible, she and her family made their way to the castle. They were announced by the door man, and entered the already crowded hall. She was greeted by many men, young and old, noble and not. There were a couple she would store away in her mind to remember later. Eventually it became more than she cared to deal with, and she began to seek out her friend.

"Mia!" She heard him call out. Just as she spotted his golden hair from across the room, she was being pulled aside by another potential suitor.  
"Young Lady Cousland, might I say you look exceptionally lovely this evening." He bowed to her, pressing his lips against her hand as he did so. He was not one she expected to present himself to her. An older man, he had teased her often when she was a child.  
"Hello Bann Teagan! You are looking well yourself!" She curtsied in response, smiling as she did so.  
"Might I… have the next dance?" She nodded in response and the two took to the floor with the rest of the couples. As they danced, Teagan spoke to her with fondness.  
"I must say, my lady, you have come a long way from running around the castle yard, mud on your face and straw in your hair. You have become quite a beautiful young lady, if I am not too bold to say." Smiling, his gaze never left her eyes.  
"Well, Bann Teagan, you did not see me just this morning." She laughed with him.

As the dance came to an end, he bowed to her, kissing her hand again as he did so.  
"Thank you for the dance, my lady." She blushed as his lips touched her hand, his facial hair tickling her skin. Maybe she should keep him in her mind?

As soon as Bann Teagan left her side, a hand was tugging on the bow of her sash, pulling her out of the center of the crowd.  
"Cailan! Slow down! What are you doing?" Walking backwards was not her strongest suit. Stumbling over her skirts, they finally halted at the back of the hall.  
"Finally! I thought I'd never get you away from that dodgy old man." Cailan laughed, leaning against the wall.  
"Dodgy old… Cailan, he is your uncle, is he not?" Cailan nodded at her, smirking. "Plus I… well, I think he is a very nice man." She glanced over in Teagan's direction, contemplating her options.  
"Oh please! He's at least 15 years older than you." He laughed again. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think I'd almost seen you blush when he kissed your hand!" This time his laugh was almost uproarious. It was indeed strange, Mia very rarely blushed. He looked over and she was glaring at him, biting down on her lip.

"Wait… were you?" This time Cailan blushed himself, a strange emotion flashing across his eyes for a split second. "I-I… I just mean that… well you don't ever… Teagan?" He questioned, exasperated. She continued to look in Teagan's direction.  
"Well… I don't know… he is kind, and affectionate… he has always shown me certain favor." Cailan couldn't form a simple sentence.  
"Bloody mess… Sodding… bastard! I'll strangle him…" He made a motion to lunge off in Teagan's direction, being stopped only by Mia.  
"Cailan! What has gotten into you?" Holding him back, she whispered frantically. A couple nobles were starting to notice the occurrence. He sputtered again, red in the face. His grey eyes were distracted, confused, and enraged all at the same time.  
"Wha… I mean…bu… _TEAGAN?_" He would have looked comical had he not been such a distraction to the other nobles in the room.  
"_Shhh! Do you want the whole world to see this strange meltdown of yours?_" She looked around the room, then began to pull Cailan off in the direction of the nearest exit. He took a step in Teagan's direction once more, but was unbalanced and pulled out of the room by Imenia.

She continued to drag him until they were well out of earshot of the crowded hall. Cailan was still red in the face, looking positively wild.  
"Cailan! What is wrong?" She grabbed him by the shoulders, giving him a small shake to call him back to her. "I am your best friend, am I not? So tell me what seems to have gotten into you!" He looked at her again, and he seemed almost… afraid. Sighing, he turned away from her and walked a few paces off before turning around again. His face was in his hands, and his breathing was shaky. Inaudible phrases were coming out under his breath as he removed his hands from his eyes. If Mia didn't know any better, she'd say he looked like he was about to cry, he was so frustrated.  
"TEAGAN?" Without waiting for her answer, he threw his hands down to his side and walked angrily off in the direction of the stables. More confused than ever, she hurried off to meet him.

When she finally caught up, he was kicking things on the floor out of his way, and throwing himself down on a bale of hay. After letting out a final sigh, he relaxed, sinking into the hay a little more. Mia could not move from her spot in the doorway, having witnessed his strange outburst in the stable. If she walked any further, she felt the tension would swallow her whole. She had never seen her friend in such a state, and she was worried for him. After an eternity, his breathing calmed and he sat up to face her.  
"I… I'm sorry, Mia. I should not have acted that way. She stepped towards him, smiling as much as she could.

"Cailan, just, please… tell me what is wrong." Quickly stepping over all the debris on the floor, she sat herself next to him, grabbing ahold of his strong hand with both of her small ones. He smiled weakly, placing his free hand on top of hers in response.  
"I… I do not know what came over me. Perhaps now that I am calm…" He looked at their hands, wrapped together on his lap.  
"You reminded me of Fergus there for a moment. Do you not think Teagan would be a good man for me? You mean so much to me; I will of course accept your input." He laughed weakly, continuing to stare at their hands.  
"No, Teagan is… is a fine man. I just never expected this whole suitor thing to come up, for some reason. I mean I… I knew it would… I just didn't expect it tonight." With his thumb, he began to stroke the back of her hand absentmindedly. His thoughts drifted to the softness of her skin, and he had to force himself to focus on the matter at hand.  
"Well, I can't say I expected it either." She laughed at the idea. "It's just… with Nora being forced to meet this suitor, it made me think about the future. I will need to entertain suitors someday as well." When Cailan did not respond, she continued to speak. "And Teagan seems like a very nice man. Don't get me wrong, I have not chosen anyone yet! I am not ready for such a decision. I just thought that I should keep my options open. And Teagan… well… he's kind, funny. He laughs at the strangest things, doesn't judge me for being less of a 'lady'. He… well, he's a lot like you." Smiling, she thought back to Teagan.

She was only now aware of Cailan's thumb running across the back of her hand. There was that strange shiver again…  
"Like me, huh?" Cailan smiled strangely. She nodded and smiled back. "I do apologize, Mia. I don't know why, but for some reason I got so… so…." He furled his brow in thought, trying to find the right word. Suddenly, as if it had hit him in the back of the head, his expression dropped. Mia couldn't make it out, and she was usually very good at reading him.  
"What? So… what, Cailan?" A brightness returned to his grey eyes as he looked up at her, finally realizing what was in his own mind. Much to Mia's confusion, he laughed. Tightly, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to him. He continued to laugh for a moment, instilling a bit of laugher in her as well.  
"What, Cailan?" She smiled and laughed with him. She felt his breath at her ear, soft and sweet as he whispered.  
"Jealous, Mia." Another breathy laugh came from his lips as he leaned his forehead in to rest on the side of her head.

Her face dropped suddenly, that same strange shiver running up her spine. Her breath was shaky as she caught it, suddenly realizing what was within her own heart as well. She whispered back gently.  
"Jealous?" He buried his face in her neck, taking in the softness of her skin, the smell of the rose and cedar oils she had used in her bath. She could not move. The past 12 years she had known him rushed back into her mind, and she knew instantly it had always been there. She had just never seen it before this moment.

He suddenly wanted very much to kiss her, but didn't know how. It wasn't that he had never kissed a woman before. In fact he had kissed many women… but he had never kissed _her_ before. She was the one person he knew he could always count on, there for him since the very beginning. Not wanting to jump into something that would scare her away, he nuzzled further into her neck, planting a gentle kiss in its curve, then another closer to her shoulder. One hand still clasped in hers, his other came to the nape of her neck, playing in the fringe of her hair. The small noise that came from her lips was his go ahead. He kissed her ear lobe, her cheek, and her jaw line in slow succession. She never shied away, but also never fully gave in. She was a silent observer, waiting for the next moment in time.

She, however, had never kissed or been kissed in any manner. Men were simply not on her mind. The revelation presented to her by Cailan had suddenly thrust them to the very front of it. She closed her eyes lightly, not sure if the moment was real, or if she was simply imagining it. She felt his hand on her chin, softly turning her face to his. He leaned in, their foreheads touching. Opening her eyes, she could see his face, all of his strong, beautiful features in front of her. Her hand came to his cheek, feeling its warmth under her palm. She went to kiss him, reconsidered and pulled back, then tried again before he finally took her face in both of his hands and placed his lips on hers. The first was short and gentle, followed by a much longer, passionate moment. He felt her body shiver and go weak, the only thing holding her up being his hands on her face. Cailan noticed a wetness forming on his hands, and pulled back to see tears pooling on her now flushed cheeks. He wiped them away, pressing his lips onto hers again.

He did not want to push her any further than she was comfortable, so he pulled away for a moment, holding onto her hands tightly. What happened next, he had not expected at all. She looked at him, fire in her eyes, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him as hard as she knew how. His lips curved into a smile under hers as he deepened the embrace. Feeling her body go weak again, he leaned her back onto the straw, never ending the kiss they shared. Her hands gripped his back, holding him as close to her as she could manage. His lips trailed down her jaw and neckline, onto the exposed skin of her collarbone. The places his lips touched were on fire, aching to be touched again. She gave his hands freedom to search her body as he found new places to kiss, eliciting even more raw feelings inside of her. His fingers found the ends of the sash, untying the bow and shakily sliding it off of her waist. Next, they found the buttons on the back of her gown. He took her lips in his once more, fumbling to undo the many buttons.

He too was entering new territory all of the sudden. He had kissed women, yes. Never before had he tried to unbutton a dress while shaking so horribly he could hardly handle it, however. She giggled at his attempts, adjusting her positioning so he could better reach them. A few moments of fumbling passion later, they were all undone. She blushed madly as he slid the sleeves off of her arms and the fabric off of her skin, exposing her to him. For a few moments he simply looked at her, taking in her soft, sweet skin and blossoming body. He smiled at her, noticing even the blushing line trailing down her stomach. He had never seen a woman like this, and he never wanted to see another this way- just her. He couldn't imagine another being as perfect as she was. A shiver went through her body and into his own before he began exploring her with his lips and tongue. It wasn't long before they were both lying there in the hay, completely exposed to one another, clothes in a heap next to them.

"You're shivering." He kissed her neck, sending jolts of warmth through her body. It ached to be touched, to be kissed by those lips. He drank in her green eyes, begging for him not to stop there.  
"Are you sure?" He whispered to her, hand trailing along her inner thigh. Biting down on her lip, she nodded, and shifted the weight of her hips, opening herself to him. Now it was his turn to shiver. He took her slowly, being careful not to cause any pain. A sharp gasp pierced her lips when he started, and her green eyes grew wide and glossy.

Neither of them had ever felt that way before. It felt as though they were drowning in a hot pool, swimming to reach the surface as fast as they could. Mia broke through the surface, her body trembling in pleasure as Cailan followed close behind. As he broke through, her name spilled from his lips before he collapsed on top of her, sweat gliding down his back. A couple of horses whinnied, as if to congratulate them on their discovery.

The two of them unmoving, he kissed her gently on the lips before sliding off to her side. Placing his head next to her ear and wrapping her in his arms, he whispered.  
"I… I love you… Imenia Cousland." She could not contain the tears falling from her eyes as he held onto her, cradling her head on his chest.


	4. A Chance Destroyed

I know, I know. Cheezy romance. *le sigh* I do love it.  
I don't own anyone. Except for Imenia… and I barely own her.  
Thanks for reading!

A Chance Destroyed

The path to light the beacon of the Tower of Ishal was much harsher than they had imagined. At first, they were both upset at the prospect of not being able to join in the battle; she figured that Cailan was simply trying to protect her. Now, they found themselves in the thick of their own.

She and her fellow grey warden, Alistair, had found themselves becoming friends as quick as possible, knowing they would need to protect each other in this exact battle. Something about him comforted her, made her feel at ease, even when looking death square in the eyes. It was… familiar… in a way. It was necessary, too. The coming days were going to be exceptionally difficult if they could not form a friendship.

The darkspawn came at them from every direction, destroying everything in their path. It was up to Mia and Alistair to make their way to the top of the tower and light the beacon. Loghain had to be notified to charge, or the battle would be lost, as would so much more. Her father did not realize just how much her battle training would come in handy.

The blood was so thick she thought she would vomit, but she managed to contain herself. It fell around her in thick scarlet drops, splashing onto her face and hair. Luckily she could block it out- It was almost as if she had tunnel vision, seeing only what she needed to at the moment.

From the corner of her eye, a strange darkspawn appeared. Staff in hand, it began to fire flame and lightning at them. A flash of purple and blue hit a nearby soldier square in the chest, flinging him at least 50 feet back, crippling his body against a tree. A sickening crack broke her tunnel vision for a split second, causing her to falter in fear. Suddenly, Alistair flew past her, burying his sword through the darkspawn's chest and flinging him to the side and off of the blade with his shield. This would be the last faltering moment she would have in this battle, knowing now the dangers these demons posed to them.  
Alistair gave her a concerned, questioning look, and she nodded in reassurance as they headed off to the top of the tower.

Mia threw the door open, rushing in to find the beacon fire. No sooner had they dashed into the room, only to come screeching to a halt. In front of her stood a creature she had never before seen; bile, saliva, and the blood of its last meal dripping from its grotesque lips. It turned to face them, a blood curdling scream flinging the remains of their kindred onto them. Hunched, he stomped his enormous body, ready to charge. Thinking quickly, Alistair rushed between his legs, cutting at the backs of its knees and causing it to stumble. Seizing the opportunity, Mia sprinted, running up the things thick, black arms, and severing the spinal cord at the base of the neck. With one fell plunge of her blade, the creature was face first on the ground as she hung onto the hilt of her sword with white knuckles. No sights or sounds would break through the battle veil she found herself in, until she felt Alistair's hand on her arm, comforting.  
"Mia? Are you alright?" He seemed confused at her present state, so she blinked her eyes, nodded, and removed the blade from the creature's neck. A sickening crunch filled the air as she did so, causing her to flinch as she sheathed her weapon.  
"I am fine. Promise."  
"Good. We'll need to light the fire- it's over there." She followed him, watching in anticipation as he tossed a burning piece of the tower into the beacon pit. Deafening roars and crackling came next, as the beacon fire blazed into the night sky. Mia sprinted to the side wall of the tower, gazing down upon miles of fire and blood. They were too high up for them to make out any of the people, but it took mere moments for them to realize that Loghains troops were not charging. From behind her she heard a sickening crack, felt a sharp pain through her right shoulder, and blacked out as she hit the ground.

A strange smell awoke Mia.  
'What strange thing is Nan cooking up now?' she wondered to herself. She writhed a little in bed, an unexpected pain shooting through her right arm. Her entire body ached, yet she could not remember why. Panicking, she opened her eyes, only to be greeted by enticing yellow ones.

"You are awake. I'm sure your friend will be glad to hear it." The memories came in floods back to her; the moments of passion with Cailan, her meeting of Alistair, the joining, the strange giant creatures… the eyes staring at her belonged to the woman they had met in the wilds before the joining, she remembered now.  
"Alistair…" The words were but murmurs, a gauzy veil seeming to cover her entire face from the world.  
"He is fine. Now that you have awakened, mother would like to speak to you." Her mother had given them the treaties… and apparently saved them from the hands of the darkspawn at Ostagar.

As if struck mad, she sat up violently, throwing her legs over the side of the bed.  
"The battle! The King! I must protect…" Some inaudible phrases came from her mouth as the strange witch beside her held her back, forcing her to sit on the bed.  
"The battle is over, the king and all of his warriors long since dead. The man who was supposed to come to your aid did not. Imagine that." None of the words passed through her ears, save one phrase…  
_  
'The king and all his warriors long since dead…'_

Still in her under garments, she stumbled over to a corner of the hut and emptied the contents of her stomach, involuntarily.  
"Well now… I do not think **that** was necessary. Civilized people of the wilds do that _outside_ of the hut." The witches voice was full of scorn. Mia did not hear. It was as if a weight had been dropped into her stomach and was poisoning her, quickly. All of her senses shut off, and she had to force her shaking legs to hold her in place.  
_  
'The King… long since dead…'_

The numbness set into her heart, blocking any tears that would desire to fall. Mia stood slowly, reaching for her armor, routinely and emotionlessly buckling and tying it into place onto herself. She walked quietly to the door, then stopped suddenly, turning robotically to face the witch.  
"I'm sorry about the vomit." She stared at nothing for a moment, then turned again and walked out the door.  
_  
'King…dead…'_

As soon as she stepped into the swampy sunlight, she knew she would need to be strong if they were to survive this to the end, For her companion looked as ragged as she felt.  
"Ah, here is your friend now. I told you she would recover." Alistair turned suddenly to face her, and she could tell he had been crying. His sad grey eyes tugged at her emotions, and she vowed to hold her grief for another time; people needed her. Alistair needed her. For some reason she felt the instinctive need to protect this man that she barely knew. There was a sense of comfort, familiarity, and attachment to him.

The next moments were all a blur as she tried to stabilize her emotions. Against her better judgment, they accepted the help of the witch with the yellow eyes. Alistair of course disapproved, his templar background clouding his ability to accept help. Even though she didn't quite trust this Morrigan, Mia knew that this mage was powerful and could aide them in the coming battles. It was difficult, but she finally convinced Alistair that they needed help more than anything else. Two new Grey Wardens does not an army make.

The strange trio walked on towards a small village, almost in complete silence. The only speaking was the occasional insult from Morrigan, directed at the mabari hound following its master. Finally upon entering the town, Alistair broke the silence.

"Here we are. Lothering. I think now is the time to figure out what comes next."  
"Finally decided to join us? Decided that throwing yourself upon your sword was too dramatic?" Morrigan was good at insulting Alistair, but it wasn't what they needed.  
"Alright Morrigan. You're here because we need your help against the blight, not because we need someone to insult Alistair."  
"Exactly. Blight. Not insults." He agreed with Mia, standing beside her.  
"But he makes it so easy. Do you not see that?"  
"Is it so hard to understand that I'm upset? People I held dear to me are dead. And you can only be… mean." His voice was loud and angry, and seemed to hold her tongue for the moment.  
"He's right. We've all lost a lot. And If we're not careful, we will all lose a lot more. What do you suggest, Alistair?" They gathered their thoughts, putting into action a plan that would take them the direction they needed to go.

Mia was level headed and calm through it all, managing to put her grieving aside for the good of the group. She had been able to put her emotions on the back burner for the moment, but they could come pouring out at any moment. Her psyche was not at all in a stable condition, and anyone who knew her before Ostagar would have been able to see it. No longer the cheery, playful young woman who had rediscovered the love of her best friend, a hollow empty shell stood in her place. She was successfully avoiding her personal confrontations by focusing on the battles ahead of them. In one day, she had lost her home, her family, and the one man she had ever truly loved; no one would have been able to see it. She was a stone, immobile and unfaltering- but even the strongest stones will wear down and crack with pressure.


	5. Hallucinations of Grandeur

Hallucinations of Grandeur

'Let's go to the Circle Tower first' she said. 'They will be one of our most powerful allies' she said. Why did she say these things? Mia found herself running around like a headless nug as soon as they arrived. Which path to chose? To save or not to save? To cleanse the tower or kill the abominations? It certainly would have been an easier path to call for the rite of annulment, but she knew that it was wrong. You cannot simply destroy the tower if there could be living, breathing, same humans inside of it.

Wynne had been a gift from the maker himself. She could heal the worst of their wounds, and also wasn't so bad in battle, for an old woman. She reminded Mia a little of Nan…

Morrigan seemed very uncomfortable in the whole situation. She and Mia had grown surprisingly close, despite Alistair's constant hatred of the witch. Mia found herself also growing closer to him by the day- against all of her better judgment. Even though Cailan was gone, she still felt as if she were betraying him. A mere six months after his death, and already she was finding she had feelings for another man. It just didn't seem right to her. She hadn't had time to properly grieve over her lost love and best friend, and was worried that Alistair was nothing more than a distraction, a sort of 'rebound'. He didn't deserve to be hurt that way, but she just couldn't stop feeling for him. Maybe that was exactly the reason- she missed feeling… anything at all. Her heart had been numb for so long that it was nice to actually feel again. He had given her a rose he'd picked in Lothering… It was sweet, sincere, and made her heart hurt like it was being pulled six different directions.

Suddenly something in the air changed… It was thick and heavy, causing Mia's alertness to falter. Turning the corner in to a large room, she was facing a strange creature. She couldn't hear or see much of anything in the room; the thickness was taking over. She heard Wynne warn them about something, urging them to stay awake. Almost as soon as she had warned the group, she found herself giving into the strong sticky warmth and falling fast asleep.

She awoke, warmth surrounding her. Opening her eyes, she realized it had all been a dream. It had to have been, for she found herself laying in the sun next to the lake at her home in Highever. There was no blood in her hair, the stench of death did not surround her. In fact, the smell of Nan's roast floated through the air, welcoming her home. It had been quite the dream, to be sure. There certainly could not be a blight in her lifetime- the last blight had seen the end of the darkspawn. Her heart knew that the king could not be dead, her family was still inside the halls of her home, and she certainly was not a Grey Warden. Her brain kept telling her something was wrong, but she paid it no regard.

Suddenly she heard splashing from the lake nearby. The face she saw made her heart jump.  
"Are you going to be boring all day, or are you actually going to come in? I'm getting older waiting for you!" Cailan. A smile broke across her face, the terrible dreams disappearing. In all of her awe, she never stopped to even wonder why he was swimming in her lake. Standing, she splashed into the water after him, sending a wave into his face. He sputtered in response, water dripping from his golden hair. Laughter rolled from her lips as he grabbed a hold of her, dunking her under the clear water. Breaking free, Mia sent more water up in his beautiful face. It dripped from his hair and from the golden stubble appearing on his chin and jaw. He laughed, and as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he pulled her to him and kissed her playfully. For a moment she reciprocated the action, but waves of memories quickly came flooding back to her brain.

She stopped short, pulling away from him.  
"Cailan! What… what are you doing? What about Nora?" Her playful mood disappeared as she swam back to the sand and dirt. To her surprise, he laughed. That seemed to happen a lot between the two of them.  
"What are you talking about, Mia?" He swam towards her, pulling himself next up and leaning over her on the sand.  
"Nora? Your queen?" Mia whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear what just happened between them. "You shouldn't be kissing me!" She wrapped her arms around herself, ashamed of what just happened- ashamed that it made her somewhat happy inside.  
"My… queen?" He laughed again, as though she had just told a funny joke. "You're very funny, Mia dear. Why would I marry Nora? Loghain as a father in law? No, I think I'll take your father over hers any day." He leaned in again, this time capturing her lips with more fire than before.

Confusion flowed through her entire being. Nothing was right… the world was completely different than it had been. Did she dream more than she thought? Even though what she was experiencing could not have been true, she found some happiness in it all… a strange happiness it was.

Her head snapped from his, droplets flicking from the ends of her hair.  
"What? No… I thought that… Something's not right here…" She remembered endless nights of crying because he was marrying Anora. Remembered the invitation, could almost feel it in her hands. The voice in her brain suddenly became more prominent. Cailan simply laughed again, leaning in and kissing her on the neck playfully.  
"Stop fighting it my Mia. In two weeks time, we will be married and you will be queen. It's destiny." He continued to kiss her neck as she fought with her brain and heart, trying to figure out the problem here. A few moments later, it all came rushing back to her.

From out of the garden, a figure came walking to the lake. One that made the weight fall back into her heart.  
"Ah! Alistair! You've made it!" Cailan stood from his spot next to her, approaching the other man.  
"Of course I did!" The two embraced in a friendly hug, and Mia sat even more confused than before.  
"Ali… I'm very confused… how… how do the two of you know each other?"  
"Cailan and I go way back." Alistair clapped the other man on the back.

Mia was torn between the desire to stay in this world, and the knowledge that nothing in it was real. What sort of a place would put her dead love and new love both in the same place, taunting her?

"Well, I should go check on Nan and your parents, Mia. Alistair, would you look after my Mia?"  
"Cailan, wait! Don't go!" Even though somewhere in her heart she knew it was not real, she could not bear to see him walk away.  
"Come now Mia. You and Alistair have always gotten along before now, and he will be a part of my court, so I would hope you would allow him to protect you even for a couple of moments. Not that there is anything on your estate with which he could fight!" with a clap on Alistair's back, Cailan headed off in the direction of the estate. Almost as soon as he was out of sight, Alistair turned to her.

"Well, I thought he'd never leave!" He spoke, grabbing her hand and leading her into him. She was again caught off guard as he placed his lips around hers feverishly, tangling his arms around her small wet frame. She broke the embrace, trying to push him away.  
"Ali… this isn't… no. This isn't you! You wouldn't do this… and you don't know Cailan! You two have never met!" He held fast to her wrist as she writhed to get away.  
"I never told you? I swore I did!" His grip on her wrist tightened, trying to urge her back to him.  
"Alistair, stop. Let me go. This isn't you. Something is terribly wrong here… You have never met Cailan. NEVER! Not until… Ostagar…" He continued to kiss her face and neck.  
"Ostagar? I've never been there… Why would I have met Cailan there? Mia, please. You know we met in Denerim! Same time I met you, remember? Geez, what has gotten into you today?" His lips trailed to her ear, fingers tangling in her thick wet curls.

"Ali… Something isn't right here. If Cailan is here… you shouldn't be…" Her body wiggled in his arms, trying to pull away from him.  
"Something certainly isn't right here. Normally you jump at the chance to let me kiss you while he's gone." A strange object was pressing against her back, and she realized she'd been trying to walk away from him. But she remembered that walking backwards was not her strongest suit, and had placed herself against the stone fence surrounding the estate.  
"A-ha. Playing hard to get I see. Now I've got you cornered."

Mia shook her head, trying to wake herself from this dream turning nightmare.  
"This isn't you. The Alistair I know is noble and compassionate… and would NEVER do something like this! You shouldn't exist here!"  
"Don't fight it Mia. This is what you wanted." He nuzzled into her neck, planning passionate kisses along her collar bone as she fought to keep him away. She fought even harder to remember where she was, what was wrong with everyone. Ostagar… Lothering… The Mages Circle… that was it. This had to be something to do with the circle. The fade maybe?

"Alistair, stop. Something is seriously wrong. We're not awake, we must be in the fade or something. That demon! Wynne kept telling us to stay awake!" He ignored all of her fighting, continuing to kiss and caress her skin.  
"Don't be ridiculous." He breathed into her neck, then nipped lightly at her ear. She shivered at his touch for a moment before regaining her composure.  
"Stop this! Stop all of it! You're not Alistair! What did you do with him?" Finally breaking free, she turned the tables and pinned him against the fence.

"Oh…. Got it. So THIS is how you want it to be? I suppose you can be in control this time." He laughed from deep in his throat, gingerly reaching out a hand to pull her in against him. Before he could get a grip on her, she slapped his cheek and sprinted off into the forest. Next thing she knew, she was standing in front of a staircase, another familiar face greeting her at the top of it. Maybe he could help her?

"Welcome to Weisshaupt, Mia. Things are turning out well, are they not?" She listened as Duncan tried to tell her how the blight was over, they had won, and everything in the world was as it should be. This time, her brain convinced her quickly of what was wrong.  
"No. I don't believe that for a second." Angered at her disbelief, he fought her. When he and the two wardens near him were slain, the world resumed its true form- twisted spires, grey shadowed forms, and a certain haze around everything. None of it looked at all inviting, and she knew she had to find a way out, a way to her friends. The real ones.

The fade had, however, shown her something about herself. She wanted to hold tight to her dreams of Cailan, but wanted to keep Alistair as well. It wasn't fair to the memory of Cailan, to Alistair, or to herself. It was betrayal to her loves memory. Eventually, she would have to let one of them go… until that point, she needed to continue on.


	6. Reminescence and Revelations

/ It's been too long, I know! Life has gotten the better of me lately…. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and kept up—it really means a lot to me!/

The past few days travel had been eye opening to Mia. Something about Alistair pulled her in, kept her hanging on his every word. He was unlike anyone she'd ever met, and continued to surprise her. Dorky, goofy, and a bit whimsical, he kept her laughing and smiling until she couldn't breathe. Best of all, he was a normal person. He'd grown up in a hard life, no influence of the nobility pressing down on him. Her parents would have frowned upon a man with no tie to any form of courtly life, but to Mia it was the most intriguing thing about him- he was as far from Cailan as she could get- and right now, it's what she needed.

"Alistair, I don't think I've laughed this much in my entire life." Holding onto his arm for support, Mia smiled broadly as she inhaled, flopping her head onto his shoulder as she caught her breath.

"Oh yes. Very funny. Please, Alistair, keep spouting dim-witted nonsense until you're blue in the face. No really. Please do. While you're at it, pass out and we'll leave you to the blight wolves."

"You know, I don't believe any of this was directed at you, Morrigan." The group wandered up the hill, a small village in the stillness of the horizon.

"Oh no, I'm sure 'how many apostates does it take to light a candle' was meant to offend the perverted elf?" Morrigan rolled her eyes, a grimace on her face.

"Oh Morrigan, I didn't laugh at that one, I promise." Mia's smile broadened as she kicked a small rock in the witches direction. "And I think it was the only one NOT meant to offend Zevran." She laughed again, turning to face the elf. A seductive chuckle escaped his lips.

"My dear Grey Warden, it is lucky for me that I am not easily offended. Besides, most of what he speaks is truth…" At this they all broke into laughter, and even Morrigan let a nearly inaudible laugh escape.

"Oooh, is that Redcliffe?" Mia questioned, walking ahead of the group. It had been days since she'd had a good meal, and was hoping to sleep in a real bed for a night.

"That's it. With any luck Eamon will be able to see us right away." They hurried up the hill and into the stillness, no one saying a word. A tension seemed to fall across them, but no one could have explained what it was.

Cresting the hill, they stepped into a large clearing, a bridge ahead of them leading further into the town. Alistair placed a hand on Mia's arm, guiding her away from the group.

"Mia, there's something I need to talk to you about. Something I should have told you awhile ago…" Mia could sense he was uncomfortable, so she tried her own hand at joking for once.

"Let me guess, you're an idiot?" She laughed at herself and flipped her hair behind her shoulder. As if she caught the strange gesture, she shook her head, returning it to its messy state.

"Oh ha ha, yes, I'm an idiot. I'm so relieved we've gotten past that, we can finally move on." She smiled in return, enjoying his ability to flow with her bad jokes. "But really, this is important. Remember when I told you I was a bastard? And that I didn't know who my father was? Well… that's only partially true." Mia stared at him. Maybe Eamon was really his father after all?

"Well you know how I said my mother was a servant in the castle? Well my father… was King Maric. They had an affair in the castle and I was shipped off to live with Eamon, who is my uncle…" Any laughter that was in Mia dropped away, and she was simply an empty shell. Suddenly, it all made sense… and not the good kind of sense.

"So…. You were King Cailan's…."

"Brother. Well, half brother." He finished for her. "Look I… I know I should have told you sooner it's just… I want people to like me for me, not because I'm the bastard prince. I didn't ask for that title, and I don't want it. But whenever I tell someone, they treat me… differently. Even Duncan tried to protect me at Ostagar. For what it's worth… I'm sorry." They were both silent for what seemed forever. Mia couldn't look at him, just stared at the cliff behind him. After trying to speak a few times with no luck, she finally managed a few words.

"So… why are you telling me now?" As she closed her eyes, images of Alistair and Cailan flooded together, forcing her to see the resemblances… the eyes, the ears, the cheeks, the lips…

"I figured I needed to, since I didn't before, and since… well… it will probably come up while we're here." He stared at her curiously, the tension building even more.

"I see." Was all she could say. Her fists clenched, trying to force the images out of her head. She managed to block out the pain as her nails dug into her own flesh, until she felt the warm stickiness of blood seeping into her palm. Releasing her painful fists, she opened her eyes, looking directly at him, seeing a doppelganger. Alistair's eyes drifted to her hands, which she was wiping on her leggings.

"Mia… you… you're bleeding!" She scoffed out loud, uncontrollable anger filling her. Suddenly, she couldn't focus on anything. Her emotions took over.

"Oh really? So you can state the obvious all day, but you can't let out important information? Did you ever think that maybe your little 'secret' affected more than just yourself?" Her outburst caused him to recoil, hurt. Shoulders fell in, face dropped down… he looked like a small child being scolded by his mother.

"What, no jokes about this?" She contained her anger for a moment, holding her hands up between them as he tried to step towards her. "I… I'm sorry… Alistair. I just…" She growled under her breath, stepping away from him. "I need some time to process all this… stuff." When he tried to speak, she flourished her hands in front of him, gesturing for him to stop. Staring at nothing for a moment, she turned and walked away, heading into the village. Following her curiously were Morrigan and Zevran, and Alistair slowly trailed behind the three.

A short way ahead, they came across a man guarding the bridge.

"Ah! People! We… we're under attack! Monsters… terrible creatures come from the castle…" He continued to spout words off, and Mia had to stop him.

"Calm down, ser. What kind of monsters?"

"I… I don't know… they're like walking corpses…"

"We need to speak to Arl Eamon… is he in the village?"

"You mean… you haven't heard? The Arl has fallen ill, he is in the castle. No one has been able to get there since the attacks started." Imenia thought for a moment, then turned to the group.

"We have to help them. Not only do they need all the help they can get, it seems we have to correct this before we can deal with the Arl's sickness." They nodded in compliance, and Mia turned back to the man. "We will help, sir. Who is in charge in the village?"

"Bann Teagan. He's got everyone taking refuge in the chantry."

"B-… Teagan?" She spoke mostly under her breath.

"Bann Teagan? I know him, he's Eamon's brother. He can help us." Alistair's help was directed at Mia, but when it didn't seem to help, he used it to lead the others into the village. "Take us to him."

As they tried to start off, Mia must have looked like a crazy person to anyone watching. She paced around in circles, rambling under her breath. They could hear phrases like, "Of course, who else could it be?" or "As if this day couldn't go any further to hell…" and of course, "Maybe the blighter has forgotten who I am?" Stiffly, she kicked rocks out of her way, shuffled her feet in the dirt violently, and kicked a nearby tree.

"Does she do this often?" The man asked, concerned. They all just stared on, mostly in confusion, but Morrigan had a strange, amused smile on her face.

"Mia…" Alistair called to her, bringing her back into the moment. Sharply she turned to face him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes crazy. "Mia, are you okay…"

"What? Oh… yeah… fine. Sure. When have I ever been better?" She stalked towards them all, following along as they wandered into the village. Spying Alistair's templar helmet hooked to his belt, Mia grabbed it off and stuffed it on her head, trying to conceal her face. He gave her a concerned look before she shrugged and headed into Redcliffe after them.

As they approached the chantry doors, Mia stopped short.  
"I… uhh…. I need a minute to… pee. Yeah. I have to pee. I'll uh… catch up in a minute…" She stared at them through the helmet for a moment, then stalked off into a small group of trees."

"She does realize there is a bathroom in the chantry?" The man started, confused. They all just shook their heads. "Must be used to the whole wilderness thing…" As they disappeared into the chantry, Mia emerged slowly from the trees.  
"Sodding nug humper…" She paced for a few moments, gathered herself up, and prepared to walk through that door. Perhaps she would get lucky, and with all the craziness going on in Redcliffe village, Teagan would not even remember the question he had asked her… or that she had neglected to answer him.

"The maker has truly sent us a blessing. I thank you and your friends, Alistair, for helping us with this dilemma." She heard his voice, and wanted to turn around and walk out. However, they'd already seen her enter, so she walked briskly up to them and stood behind Morrigan.

"This must be the other Grey Warden you spoke of?" He held out a hand to her. "It is a pleasure to meet you." Quickly, she gave his hand a quick shake, then returned it to her side.

"We will need to formulate a plan. I suggest you speak to the mayor, and perhaps the rest of the village. There are plenty of capable people who can be rallied to support us in tonight's battle." Teagan spoke mainly to Alistair, who turned his attention to Mia.

'I may just get away from this yet…' she thought to herself, staring at the back of Morrigan's head.

"I agree, Bann Teagan. Mia, what do you think?" Alistair looked in her direction.  
'Who is this Mia you speak of?' she thought to herself, continuing to stare at Morrigan, expectantly. Maybe she could convince them that the witch was Mia?  
"Mia?" He questioned again, and she continued to stare at Morrigan.  
'please Morrigan… see my thoughts… know what I want you to do….' 

Instead of reading her mind, Morrigan got angry.  
"Why are you looking at me? The dim wit is addressing you, not I."  
'Sodding witch anyhow…'  
"Eie fing et shooool be ou. Ou nau wut ourrr ding." Confused, they all stared at her. "Wut?"

"Mia… I didn't understand a word you just said…" She simply stared at them all for a few moments before growling through the helmet.

"I think the helmet is impairing her speech…" Teagan spoke this time, staring intently at the eyes through the helmet.  
'nug crap… he knows…' She sighed, let her arms flop limply to her sides, and gave up the battle, pulling the helmet from her head. Handfulls of thick black hair fell into her face as she thrust the helmet violently into Alistair's arms, throwing him off balance.  
"I said, I think it should be you, you know what you're doing. Clearly, however, you are a dim wit." From the corner of her eye, she could see Teagan blush as his face dropped.

"Oh… why… young lady Cousland. I was not aware you had joined the Grey Wardens." There was sadness in his eyes as he stared at her, wanting. Glancing up at him, the brief eye contact sent her stomach churning. She had less of an answer for him now than she did before. "It suits you." He spoke, then smiled deeply at her. Was he really trying to charm her? Now?

"Wait… you… you know each other?" Alistair's voice cracked as he spoke, jealousy creeping through.

"We have met, on occasion." Teagan's eyes never left her face, and suddenly Mia felt she was going to explode from all of this attention.

"So these walking corpse guys. Let's go talk to the mayor and get this taken care of, shall we?" Without another word, she turned and left the chantry, diving into the quest at hand.

To others the battle lasted an eternity- but to Mia, it wasn't long enough. They had saved the whole village, and Teagan approached to congratulate them.

"It wasn't easy, but the village can rest easy for now. Perhaps this will buy us a chance to get into the castle." Morrigan yawned, the blood of corpses dripping from her hair. "But perhaps you should rest first? I can get you beds within the chantry." He guided them into the building, sticking strangely close to Mia.

"There are three beds in this room, and I'm sure we can find another." Leading them into the small room, Morrigan flopped down on the first bed and was asleep before anyone could object. Zevran shrugged and took the second bed, leaving the third one to whoever got to it first.

"Mia, you're welcome to the third bed if you like." Alistair spoke sweetly, trying to mend the damage between them. Sternly she looked at him, then back to the hall in front of her. She would simply find another spot, far away from Alistair. Suddenly, as if invited, Teagan placed a hand on her shoulder and began to lead her off in another direction.

"You are of course welcome to my room, Mia. I will not be using it, so it is all yours." Suddenly, she regretted letting Alistair have the third bed in the room…

The two of them walked in silence to another small room, this one with just one bed. Teagan showed her the room and handed her a clean blanket. Before leaving the room, he turned to face her.

"Imenia… I wonder if I might have a moment of your time." She sat on the edge of the bed, bracing herself, and nodded silently. "It's just… I don't know what happened between us. I was led by your family to believe you showed some interest. Even Fergus thought I should court you." When she didn't respond, he continued to speak. "Yet you gave no answer when I proposed marriage to you. If the answer was to be no, then that would have been one thing. But no answer at all is both saddening and… hopeful."

"I am sorry, Bann Teagan." She began. "At the time of your… proposal… I was not stable. Not two months earlier I had already accepted a marriage proposal, then been dismissed by the very same person. My emotions were a smattering of anger and sadness and you did not deserve the disrespect I showed you." Looking at him, she saw a small, understanding smile cross his lips.

"I am even sorrier, however, to tell you that I still do not have an answer to your question. I am not much more stable now than I was then, and it would not be fair to you or anyone else in my life if I answered now. I hope you can understand, Bann Teagan." She could not look at him.

"Of course I understand, Mia. I also understand the strangeness of the helmeted Grey Warden I met a day ago. I must say, we were all very confused." His laughter caused her to laugh a little as well. "You always did have a strange way of going about things." They continued to laugh before she lay down and sleep, more hard times were to follow.

Alistair's jaw dropped open in amazement as he listened from outside the door. Although Teagan was right, it did explain a lot about her behavior… except for the way she was reacting to him… In a few days, he figured they would be past it, and he could go about making himself look like a better choice than Teagan.


End file.
